Who Ever Said Crazy Wasn't a Good Thing?
by Chrislovercharmed
Summary: Two girls, modeled after me and my BFF, accidentally go to Hogwarts. Many strange things happen, dear reader, so 1 requirement: you must be slightly insane. Enjoy!
1. Purple Stilettos and Ultimate Insanity

"Anya! Hurry up!" Laina Harris tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for her best friend Anya Morris to catch up.

"Hang on, chica, I'm having a little emergency here!" Anya limped over to Laina and clapped a hand on her shoulder. "Hold still a sec." She reached down her free hand and adjusted her violent purple strappy heel. When she finished, she put her foot down and sighed in relief.

"Thanks. Okay, I'm ready."

They turned and began walking along the sidewalk.

"An, maybe next time we go shopping in London, you should wear, hmm, not those?" Laina pointed at Anya's rather unique stilettos.

"Come on Laina, we need to look our best."

Laina rolled her eyes. "For the last time, Rupert Grint is not going to be at the premier for the 5th book. He's the actor, not the character."

"Well maybe he'll be there to get his own copy! And," she added, smirking, "maybe Daniel Radcliffe will be too."

"Oh, yeah, right. And when they see us, they'll immediately fall in love with us and we'll have a double wedding on horseback in New Zealand!"

"Maybe we will!" Laina looked at her incredulously. "It could happen!" They burst out laughing at the look on each other's face.

"Come on. If we don't hurry we'll never find out if they're there or not, because our train leaves in…" Laina looked at her watch. "Oh my GOD! Five minutes!"

She took off without so much as a word of warning to Anya, who stumbled to catch up.

"Laina! Wait!"

Anya ran after her friend and caught her just outside the station.

"Come on, Anya! We're gonna miss our train! And the premier!"

"I know, I'm just having a few technical difficulties!"

Laina sighed in exasperation. "When we get back, I'm tossing those shoes in a Dumpster!"

"Like shell you are! I love these shoes!"

"Too bad you can't _walk_ in them!"

"Whatever. Don't we have a train to catch?"

Laina rolled her eyes and entered the station. Anya went in behind her, but stopped when she dropped her purse.

"Great!" she said, bending over to pick up her scattered possessions. She stood up in time to see Laina's reddish-brown ponytail bouncing as she hurried away.

"Laina!" She took a step, tripped thanks to her heels, and began to fall backwards, when suddenly two strong arms stopped her fall.

"You all right?" a very familiar British voice asked her.

"Yeah, I…" Anya trailed off as she looked into the eyes of her rescuer.

He looked right back into hers as he stuttered, "I'm R-ron Weasley."

"My name's-"

She was saved the trouble of telling him her name by Laina, who appeared at her side, grabbed her hand, and said. "Anya! Come on, we'll miss our train!" She pulled Anya after her, completely ignoring Ron.

"Anya," he breathed. What a perfect name.

"Ron! Hurry up!" a voice called. Ron spotted his family and joined them.

Meanwhile, Anya was desperately trying to get Laina's attention.

"Laina, would you listen to me?"

"No time!"

"That was Rupert Grint!"

"Yeah, right! Give it up! They're not going to be there!"

"You're right, because they're HERE!"

Finally, Laina stopped and looked at her friend.

"You're serious?"

"Yes!"

"Well… then let's go get some autographs!"

They looked around for a bit, then spotted a load of redheads and other various hair colors roughly 200 feet away. Laina and Anya hurried after them, Anya stumbling the whole way.

"You know," Anya huffed, "he said something weird to me. He told me his name was…"

She trailed off as they slowed to catch their breath.

"There they are!" Laina pointed to a brick pillar between platforms nine and ten.

Their mouths dropped open. One by one, the redheads were lining up, running to the pillar, and disappearing in it!

They looked at each other, then back at the platform.

In unison, they whispered, "No way!"


	2. Can't Get No Satisfaction

"Holy imitation cheese!" Laina exclaimed.

"Oh this is 12 kinds of weird!" Anya added, still staring at the redbrick pillar.

By now, there was just one person left to go through. They'd just gotten a glimpse of his messy jet-black hair and baggy clothes before he too disappeared into the pillar, pushing his trolley in first.

"This is not normal..." Laina murmured.

"You're right," agreed Anya. She turned to her friend, eyes widened in excitement. "It's magic!"

"What?" Laina said disbelievingly.

"Back there when Rupert caught me and introduced himself, he said his name was Ron Weasley, not Rupert Grint."

"So? Maybe he was nervous because he likes you."

"Hmmm... Yeah, he probably does, but I don't think that's why he said that."

Laina rolled her eyes. "Helehele. This is probably some sort of publicity stunt or something. I mean, magic? That's ridiculous."

"Stuff it with the logic for a second and listen to reason. Those people just walked through a wall. How the He-e-ell can you fake that live?"

Laina stared at Anya in silence. Then, she grabbed her by the wrist, pulled her to her feet, and began dragging her toward the pillar.

"Laina!"

"I'm going to prove to you that this isn't real!"

"How?" Anya asked, rather fearfully.

"We're going to walk into that pillar, that brick pillar, and then maybe you'll see how lolo you're being."

"No! Wait!"

Laina gave one final tug, and both girls stumbled forward.

"Holy J.K. Rowling," they breathed.

What they saw before them was a world they had seen in movies, that they had read about and dreamed about, but had always been fictional.

Not anymore.

Platform 9 ¾ was pleasantly crowded with young witches and wizards being loaded onto the Hogwarts Express by tearful parents.

Anya and Laina stood there for a moment, mouths hanging open.

As they began to walk around, their jaws still dropped open in awe, Laina spoke quietly.

"Don't say it," she murmured.

"What?" asked Anya distractedly.

Laina looked at her pointedly. "You know what."

"Oh, you mean…" Anya jumped in front of her best friend, grinning.

"I TOLD you so!"

Laina shot her a dirty look.

"Okay, you did. Now shut up."

"Ha!" Anya returned to Laina's side. "Oh, isn't this great? I mean, how many times have we fantasized about this?"

"A zillion and one."

"Exactly! And now we're here!"

Laina suddenly stopped short, eyes locked on that same boy with too-big clothes and messy hair. Only now, she saw his profile, and she could just make out a pair of round glasses perched precariously on his nose. Her view diminished as he boarded the train.

Without a thought, she took off toward the Express.

"Laina!" Anya just managed to catch up. "Laina, what're we doing?"

"Getting on the train."

Anya was quiet for a bit, then simply said, "'Kay."

When they reached the train, they didn't even hesitate before going up the steps.

Once inside, Laina paused for a moment to think about which way to go. She chose left.

They had just taken a few steps when three someones, two of them quite large, blocked their path.

Laina looked up into the face of the smaller one, who stood right in front of her. Though, to say he was small would be lying. He was tall and devilishly handsome, with cool gray eyes and blonde hair slicked back.

The girls knew these three immediately. Draco Malfoy, Gregory Goyle, and Vincent Crabbe were Harry, Ron, and Hermione's worst enemies, besides Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

"Well," drawled Malfoy, smirking evilly. "What have we here?"

Laina shivered inwardly as Malfoy looked her over appraisingly. Behind him, Crabbe and Goyle gazed at Anya hungrily.

Straightening, Laina lapsed into her 'too good for you' attitude.

"Didn't know that was any of your business."

Rather than being angry, Draco smiled and arched an eyebrow. "Not bad. Listen, I can tell you're new to Hogwarts, so I'll tell you right now: we rule it. Stick with us, or more importantly, with me, and you'll be untouchable. I may even introduce you to my father. He's a very influential man, if you ever need help. By the way, my name's—"

"Draco Malfoy," Laina interrupted smoothly. "Believe me, I've heard of you. So, you rule Hogwarts, huh? Funny, I thought that was Albus Dumbledore's job. Oh wait; it is. You must be the School Dumb Ass." As she moved past him, she stopped and met his furious gaze once again. "Next time you hit on someone, you should try less grease and more looking into her eyes, not at her chest." She walked away proudly, Anya right at her heels.

Draco Malfoy looked after her, gray eyes flashing dangerously.

"You will regret this," he said quietly, angry. Then he turned and went back into his compartment, along with Crabbe and Goyle.

When Anya and Laina rounded the corner, they stopped, both looking rather astonished at what had just occurred.

"Laina…"

Laina looked at her best friend.

"Yeah?"

Anya smiled widely at her. "You're my hero!"

Laina laughed. "Well thanks. I'm not really sure what came over me. I just couldn't stand the way he was staring at my chest, or the way those two boneheads were looking at you."

Anya looked puzzled. "They were looking at me? How?"

"Well, you know, _lustily_. They totally looked like they wanted you, girl."

"Thanks for saving my butt, then."

"NP, An. We are ohana after all, even if it's not by blood but by spirit."

"Right. Now, let's go find your man."

Laina blushed. "He's not my man."

"Yet."

"Shut up."

They turned to their right and moved down the corridor. Someone once again blocked their path, however.

"Oh, sorry! I'm just looking for my toad, Trevor. Have you seen him?"

Suddenly, Anya started screaming. All the glass doors to the compartments slid open and heads peeked out to see what the commotion was.

Anya began doing a kind of crazy dance, while swiping at her chest. Her dance moved into a compartment, where the people who were looking sat back down quickly to make room. Then, Anya reached down her shirt with one hand and pulled out… a toad.

"Trevor!" Neville Longbottom eagerly retrieved his toad from Anya's shaking hand.

"Anya, chica, are you okay?" Anya kept looking at the toad, breathing heavily, and whimpering every so often, so Laina stepped in front of her and took her hands.

"Anya! It's okay. It was just a toad. Sing the song."

Anya shook her head.

"Sing the song, or I'll yell to the world what you did at our last sleepover."

That got Anya's attention. Glaring at Laina, she grudgingly began to sing a duet with her.

"Aloha oe, aloha oe, i ki ona ona no ho i ka lipo."

Laina let her hands drop to her sides. "There, feel better?"

Anya looked at her icily. "I just had a toad down my shirt. How would you feel?"

The compartment occupants laughed, and the girls noticed who they were for the first time. Harry Potter, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, and Ginny Weasley were seated on the benches on either side of them, looking thoroughly amused.

"In Africa, it's a sign of intelligence to have a toad down your shirt. If it's down your pants that means you'll have a good love life." After making this very odd but not out of character statement, Luna reached into her bag, pulled out a copy of _The Quibbler_, and proceeded to read it back to front.

"What about toads, Loony-a?" said a disembodied voice. Ron Weasley walked into the compartment. "And who the bloody hell was shrieking like a veela?"

"Someone named Anya, apparently," Ginny said, trying not to giggle at Luna.

"Anya?" Ron's eyes were drawn to Anya, who met his gaze. "It's you! You're going to Hogwarts too?"  
"Oh, uh, yeah-huh?"

"Great! I mean, uh, w-what year will you be in?"

Anya shot a panicked look at Laina, whose eyes widened and lips tightened as if to say, _Stop looking at me and answer him!_

Anya turned back to Ron and replied, "Fifth."

"That's my year."

"Cool."

There was a pregnant pause.

Harry got up then, and introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Harry Potter. Apparently you already know Ron, and that's Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Neville's toad Trevor, and that's Luna Lovegood." He stopped and shook hands with Anya, then Laina, whose knees trembled slightly.

"Well, um, if you'd just excuse us for a second, I really need to talk to Laina."

Laina watched Anya begin to walk out of the compartment. "Why?"

Anya loudly said "NOW!" without looking back, so Laina followed her.

Laina slid the door shut and turned to her best friend. "Okay chica, what's your malfunction?"

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that we're on a train that shouldn't exist, talking to people that shouldn't exist, headed toward a school that shouldn't exist… Oh, and did I mention the fact that we are not WITCHES!"

"Shhh! They'll hear you!"

"Fine! Then what, pray tell, do you expect us to do when we get there and our names aren't in the student directory, or whatever they have there?"

Laina had to think about that.

"Why don't we just talk to Dumbledore?"

Anya looked at her, amazed that she could suggest such a thing. "I'm sorry, did you hit your head recently? I mean, do you hear yourself? 'Oh, let's just go explain it to the imaginary headmaster of a fictional school, and maybe then we can sprout wings and fly away.' You have LOST it!"

They were silent.

"Anya,' Laina said seriously, "it's a better place than where we were. Sure, it's crazy. But at least we'll be safe." Anya didn't reply. "You told me this time we wouldn't let him find us. How long do you think it'll be before he does, out there, in the Muggle world? He's got so many contacts, and our transcontinental flight will definitely show up on his radar. We'll be taken back to Green River so fast, we won't know what hit us. Please. This is our chance, what we've been dreaming of our whole lives. This will be the greatest escape of all. Are you with me?" She held out her hand.

Anya looked at it, pondering Laina's words. Then she slowly placed her hand in her best friend's and began their sacred vow.

"You and me."

"Me and you."

"Both of us, together, forever," they whispered in unison, bowing their heads and clasping hands.


	3. READ THIS

I'm very sorry that I haven't updated in a while, but I recently had a lot of horrible things happen in my family, and several of my floppies got unformatted by a magnet. Not only does this set me back quite a bit, but it is a crushing blow to me. I've cried my eyes out over smaller losses than this. There are many stories and things I will never get back. So I ask all of you to please have patience, as I work through this loss and start anew on the next chapter.


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